Retired Man Backed for Refusing to Raise Grandchild: 'Done With All That'

A retired 52-year-old has let his pregnant daughter know, in no uncertain terms, that she cannot rely on him to provide free childcare once the baby arrives.

In a post upvoted over 13,000 times on Reddit, the retiree, writing as Specialist_Travel300 said he told her rather frankly: "You should not have gotten pregnant if you just expected someone else to raise your child."

It's an approach that has won him few favors with the rest of the family, yet the vast majority on social media felt his stance was the correct one. Several studies have previously claimed grandparents enjoyed notable mental and physical health advantages as a result of looking after their grandchildren.

However, a study published in The Journals of Gerontology earlier this year dispelled that notion. As part of the research, grandparents were interviewed before and after their new responsibilities as caregivers commenced.

What scientists found was that looking after grandchildren did not make grandparents feel any younger than their actual age.

For the expectant grandfather posting to Reddit, it came down to the fact he had already experienced parenting first hand and had no desire to repeat it. "I love my children and will never regret being their dad," he explained. "But I didn't sign up for a new baby. I'm done with all that. I want to enjoy my retirement and be free without any underage children."

So when he discovered his 27-year-old daughter Amanda and her husband Chris, 25, were expecting him to "always watch the baby while they were working" and also when they wanted to have a "fun time" out together in the evening, he spoke up.

He told her he was "thrilled to be a grandpa, not a parent to this baby." However, Amanda refused to back down, telling her dad it was "unfair" that their life should become "all about a baby."

"Amanda, of course, you and Chris's life is going to be 'all about a baby.' That's what it means to be a parent," he replied. "You should not have gotten pregnant if you just expected someone else to raise your child."

Amanda fired back at him almost immediately, replying: "Don't be surprised when I put you in a sh***y nursing home."

While the man's son Nathan agreed that Amanda was "expecting too much" and had therefore been "irresponsible" in getting pregnant, the man's sister Sandra called his comments "callous and misogynistic," noting that parenting had become harder in the past 20 years, according to the post.

With his family still pressuring him into committing to caring for the baby four days a week, the grandpa-to-be looked online for advice. The majority confirmed his suspicions: he was right to react in the way he did.

Jkkeeler commented: "'Helping' and 'raising' are 2 very distinctive different things. Enjoy your grandchild but do not get wrapped up in the 'raising' of him/her." Summerh8r added: "4 days a week is excessive. I'm 54, and do not have the energy to babysit a child. Newborn, maybe...By 1-2 forget it."

DeeDionisia said: "Regardless of what is excessive or not, it's not up to her to unilaterally determine that her dad is her free childcare." Ok_Possibility5715 was of similar mind suggesting: "Just do an afternoon or so a week and maybe once a month an evening or so. Enjoy your retirement, they wanted a baby and they should have known what it means."

ScorchieSong, meanwhile, suspected his daughter and her husband were "not ready to be parents." They explained: "Being a parent and having plenty of fun time is not a thing...they vastly underestimate the commitment and sacrifice they have signed on for."

Newsweek has contacted Specialist_Travel300 for comment.

If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.

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