Dad Telling Ex-Wife He Won't Pay Half of Son's $3K Emergency Dental Blasted
The internet has dragged two parents for their argument over who would pay for their child's unexpected medical bills.
In a now-viral post on Reddit, a father under the username u/Admirable-Shallot155 told the story, which can be read in full here.
"I'm divorced from my son's mom and she took the easy way out on the financial arrangements. Basically, I got stuck paying things that are certain like our sons' private school and extracurricular activities where she's responsible for their health insurance and medical bills and their manny," wrote the poster. "She doesn't pay much for coverage and our sons don't need medical care. Until now."
Recently, their eight-year-old son encountered a dental issue that meant that he needed oral surgery.
"We eventually found a very good pediatric oral surgeon and it's going to come out to be $3,000. It's that much because dental insurance doesn't cover much, and an anesthesiologist is expensive."
"My ex asked me if I was going [to pay] half. I said NOPE," shared the father.
Psychologist Emma Kenny told Newsweek: "Money is probably the most contentious issue when it comes to co-parenting. It is seen and real, and as a result it can be treated as a measure of 'how much you care' for your child."
The father made clear he was not going to budge and explained that he told her: "This bill is your problem not mine. This is what you wanted, remember?"
"She went on to say that she doesn't have that kind of cash laying around and it doesn't make sense to put it on a credit card with interest rates," said the poster. "I told her to go sell blood. I don't care. And yes, I actually budget my money and could pay all of it and it wouldn't be that big of a deal."
In the end, his ex-wife took a loan to pay for the surgery and the tooth was removed, but the argument about the payment caused great tension.
Both Parents Slammed
The post on Reddit's popular r/AmITheA****** forum has received over 8,000 upvotes and more than 3,000 comments as Redditors slammed both parents for their behavior.
"Everyone sucks here," said one reply. "Your wife for trying to renege on the agreement and you for sounding more interested in sticking it to her than your son's welfare."
Another Redditor wrote: "I was this kid once, and believe me, he knows about the squabbling and the fact that his dad said what he did, and so on, and it's making him feel bad. Way to upset a kid who has to go through a scary procedure."
With years of experience working with couples going through divorce and separating families, Kenny explained: "Ideally you keep a child out of an argument of course, and money is always going to be a huge cause of amplification. But when you let your ex struggle, you are letting your children struggle."
"If you have arranged to split things 50/50, you should stick to that," said Kenny. "But big unexpected bills do happen, and parents should negotiate fairly about these. It's not about black and white legal rules, it's the morality and ethics of what being a parent is about. If your ex-partner has less than you, as a parent your priority should be meeting the needs of your child, not wondering if you're lining the pocket of your ex."
On Reddit, users continued to share their opinions, slamming both parents relatively equally. One said: "When you have a child with an ex, you are supposed to love your child more than you hate your ex. You are clearly doing the opposite."
"You care more about harming your ex than your child's existence," agreed another commenter.
Kenny explained: "It is about what is more important, safeguarding the health of your child or fighting with your ex about who pays for what and how you split the bills? It is not because you care for your ex, but because you are about your child. If parents cannot do this themselves, they should work through issues with a mediator."
Newsweek reached out to u/Admirable-Shallot155 for comment. We couldn't verify the details of the case.
If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
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